Relationships

20 Habits Happy Couples Have (But Never Talk About)

18-relationship-rules

A happy couple is not a ‘perfect couple’ that comes together, but an imperfect couple that learns to enjoy each others differences, and works together every day to create something special.  In other words, a great relationship isn’t luck and doesn’t just happen – it requires effort and care to endure and evolve in ways that keep both partners fulfilled..

All of this has given us keen insight into the specific behaviors that make two human beings happy as a couple.  We’ve literally watched couples go from “ready to break up” to being “on cloud nine” in a matter of weeks, simply by making subtle, effective changes to their daily habits.

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Once couples figure this out, their new found relationship habits become second nature to them, and thus, they never talk about them.  Bystanders may witness their public displays of affection and contentment, but remain clueless as to the source of their happiness.  So that’s precisely what I want to discuss today – the habits happy couples have, but never talk about.

  1. They practice self-care as individuals.– Relationships don’t create joy, they reflect it.  Joy comes from within.  Relationships are simply mirrors of the combined joy that two people have as individuals.  What you see in the mirror is what you see in your relationships.  Your disappointments in your partner often reflect your disappointments in yourself.  Your acceptance of your partner often reflects your acceptance of yourself.  Thus, the first step to having a healthy relationship with someone else is to have a healthy relationship with yourself.
  2. They stand together and refuse to let outsiders call the shots.– Relationships don’t always make sense, especially from the outside.  So don’t let outsiders run your relationship for you.  If you’re having an issue with your partner, work it out with THEM and no one else.  You have to live your own lives your own way… that’s all there is to it.  Each of us has a unique fire in our heart for that one special person.  It’s our duty, and ours alone, to decide if a relationship is right for us.  If you and your partner both agree that it is right, IT IS, and it’s worth working on, together.
  3. They respect their relationship as being a unique, incomparable bond.– Don’t compare your relationship to anyone else’s – not your parent’s, friend’s, coworker’s, or that random couple whose relationship seems perfect.  Every couple makes their own love rules, love agreements, and love habits.  Just focus on what you two share, and make your unique bond the best it can be.  And keep in mind that all relationships have their ups and downs – they do not ride at a continuous blissful high.  Working together through the hard times will make your relationship stronger in the end.
  4. They are intimate about everything.– Sex is not love.  Especially in the beginning of a relationship, attraction and pleasure in sex are often mistaken for love.  Sex is good, sex is great, but it’s the easy part.  Intimacy is what makes relationships last.  It requires honest communication and openness about concerns, fears and sadness, as well as hopes, dreams and happiness.
  5. They accept each other, without trying to change each other.– The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated as is.  Sometimes we try to be sculptors, constantly carving out of our significant others the image of what we want them to be – what we think we need, love, or desire.  But these actions and perceptions are against reality, against their benefit and ours, and always end in disappointment, because it does not fit them.  The foundation of love is to let those we care about be unapologetically themselves, and to not distort them to fit our own egotistical ideas of who they should be.  Otherwise we fall in love only with our own fantasies, and thus miss out entirely on their true beauty.  So save your relationship from needless stress.  Instead of trying to change your partner, give them your support and grow together.
  6. They make uninterrupted time for each other.– If you neglect your relationship, your relationship will neglect you too.  With busy schedules we often forget to relax and enjoy the great company we have.  In relationships distance is not measured in miles, but in affection.  Two people can be right next to each other and yet miles apart.  So don’t ignore the one you love, because lack of concern often hurts more than angry words.
  7. They say what they mean and mean what they say to each other.– Your partner is not a mind reader.  Share your thoughts.  Give them the information they need rather than expecting them to know the unknowable.  The more that remains unspoken, the greater the risk for problems.  Start communicating clearly.  Don’t try to read their mind, and don’t make them try to read yours.  Most problems, big and small, within a relationship, start with bad communication.
  8. They listen intently before replying.– Don’t listen so you can reply, listen to understand.  Open your ears and mind to your partner’s concerns and opinions without judgment.  Look at things from your partner’s perspective as well as your own.
  9. They don’t play games with each others heads and hearts.– Cheating and lying aren’t struggles, they’re reasons couples break up.  Because great things fall apart quite easily when they’ve been held together with lies.  The truth is, relationships don’t hurt; lying, cheating and twisting reality until it plays with someone’s emotions is what hurts.  Promises mean everything, but after they’re broken, sorry means nothing (at least initially).  So never mess with your partner’s feelings just because you’re unsure of your own.  If you are unsure in any way, be sure to say so.  Always be open and honest.  And remember that when the truth is replaced by silence, silence becomes a lie too.
  10. They practice the golden rule in their relationship.– In a healthy relationship, you get what you put in.  You get nothing less and nothing more.  There is no room for selfishness.  If you want love, give love.  If you want to see a smile, give a smile.  Don’t be concerned with who’s right; be concerned with loving and being loved, caring and being cared for.

By compiling this list I’m not suggesting that these are the only keys to being a happy couple, I’m simply shedding light on some common habits that can make all the difference in the world.  A great deal of happiness in our relationships is due to intentional activity.  Therefore, it’s possible for us to significantly improve our love life simply by altering what we choose to do every day.

This is part one of 20 Habits Happy Couples Have (But Never Talk About), the remaining 10 would be discussed next week. Stay Tuned!!!

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What else would you add to the list?  Are there any specific habits or actions that have made you and your partner happier as a couple?  Leave a comment below and let us know what’s been working for you.

Saying thank you in different languages as you drop your comments!!!

Eseun pupo -Yoruba

Daalu-Igbo                                                    

Nagode- Hausa

Tobi Adekunle

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46 Comments

  1. 1

    And remember that when the truth is replaced by silence, silence becomes a lie too. … #word inspiring write up effort has 2 be made for the success of anything.

    • 2

      hmmm…u are very right..thanks for pointing that out again..so many of us keep silent for fear of how will my partner react to it?God help us

  2. 3
  3. 5

    what happens when a fight goes on for too long between them or one of them misbehaves? True love is putting your partner before you. This is a strong characteristic of a healthy relationship – selflessness. The word love is hard to come by in most relationships we have today. A lot of people get married for convenience or/more. What we term as love today is based on the physical appearance of the other and hence broken homes, divorce everywhere. It is sad.

    • 6

      hmmm…in addition..some people just like the term they are married..they look for a man to fill in that position not bcos they truly love him..

  4. 7

    This is a wonderful write up. Very very educative. I learnt a lot from it. They are very true facts a lot of us over look. Thanks very much for the enlightenment.

  5. 8

    If only we all could learn to respect each other. Be truthful, caring and understanding. Lift each other up emotionally,physically, sexually… marriages would last better. It hurts me when a man is cheating and is forgiven by his wife but the woman can’t do the same. On a last note. What keeps me going is the fear of God and maintaining my peace.

  6. 10

    No relationship or marriage will be free of difficulty or conflict. And no matter how well-meaning we are as partners, none of us will be a candidate for “sainthood”. Given that, it’s essential that we learn to repair. While there’s no one-size-fits-all approach, repair begins with one person moving toward the other with an intention to heal. Effective couples are able to both apologize and forgive and to own up to the part they played in the difficulty.

  7. 12

    This qualities are amazing! I feel most times they also share chores and work together or betterstill, the husband assists the woman with taking care of the house and doesn’t burden her to do all the work alone..
    Also, they speak eachother’s love languages and communicate excellently :)

    • 13

      Truth be told..how many MEN assists their wives with house chores..men pls listen…assists your wives..they are not house helps..thats one of the reasons why women age faster than men

  8. 14

    Hmmm…the taste of the pudding is only known in the eating. One of the ingredients of a healthy marriage is grace. Be gracious to him/her and you get what you sow (the law of compensation).

    Be mature in all you think, say and do..(this exude confidence of your partner in you). No selfishness, no sentiments, no emotional tilt, no rationalizing, selfless like a sacrificial lamb; going the extra mile especially when its not convenient; it sparks the ” awwwww!!! all because of me??? effect” (replay the courtship days) she will love you more because of this.. above all; praying together and in the prayer mentioning ALOUD to her hearing; what you want God to do for her…now SAY I AM SORRY when you are wrong and when she is hurt even when you are not wrong, SAY THANK YOU & SAY WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENTS…(I see you are making efforts in doing what I complained about, keep it up, its good.)

    (This is tough but I am training myself on this one I assess myself every day with this one – Keeping silent when angry and speaking about the issues much later in a friendly way)…it works!!! (Courtship is for a time but a healthy Marriage is forever)

  9. 16

    Couldn’t have put it better. I try to apply these and it aure is hard but very possible with the right partner. Good one, looking forward to the other part.

  10. 18

    First and foremost I would say the write up is an impactful one. Kudos to the author/writer. Its a subject matter of particular interest so I would be right back with my well coordinated comments

  11. 20

    I’m currently reading a book “The five love languages” and I recommend it to others also.Tobi,this write-up is a good one.

    • 21

      The 5 love languages by Garry Chapman..i have read the book twice..pls lets make it one of our 2015 a must read book

  12. 22

    This write up nails it.. There is a point in a relationship when things get boring.. When every action is more of a repetition.. The element of surprise every now and then can curb this.. Each partner should strive to think outside the box and do something new.. Every one loves surprises.

    • 23

      sure..relationships get boring with time…what do u do to spice yours up? as u said..”element of surprise” hmmm

  13. 24
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  15. 27

    Nice write up. Comparison is common in Nigeria. Most especially lady(ies). I agree totally with you that a relationship should not be built on lies. But is there a perfect human being? Sorry, girls nowadays makes guys to have two- three girlfriend(s). I think behavior is important I mean good behavior far better than your look. Well done, looking ahead for part two.

  16. 29
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  19. 33

    Awesome write up

    Arguments in a relationship are as sure as the sun rising in the morning (albeit common sense suggests the fewer the better).
    That said … Be fair! Be unselfish enough to veiw from the perspective of your partner no matter how heated the argument gets… Or at least cool down then reflect.
    I personally practice not to say stuff when i am angry.
    Words said in anger dont necessarily go away after a few sorries…so save yourself some sorries cos you will need them later i bet.
    My take… No matter how wrong your parnter is… Just know you have a part to play in that “wrongness” no matter how small.
    Argue fairly; no below the belt punchlines, no blasts from the past.

    Great piece again

    • 34

      hmmmm..what words do u utter when u are angry?..words when spoken are like eggs that are broken and can never become one piece..thanks for this

  20. 35

    Very inspiring and insightful, the truth is if our relationships and marriage don’t work, we sure can’t have a working nation.

  21. 36

    What a lovely, educative, true and raw truth. I so much appreciate coming in contact with this article. It has added to my knowledge. In addition and, in fact, this is what I preach and also discuss with my fiancee, that, in relationship; no job or assignment is designated to a particular gender. Like you’ll hear some ladies say, “he’s” the one meant to do the calling always, so guys says “she’s” the one meant to first tell me “I love you” to end a call.
    Such mentality only allow disappointment and finally, ego to set into a relationship. So please, my people, let’s watch this.
    If you expect his call and he didn’t call, call him!!!. Always seek to be the first initiator of happenings in your relationship. Derive happiness from being the first, then turn it into game-like happenings. I bet you, you both will always be happy.
    Have a good time. All the best

    • 37

      wow….ure are very right..this happens a lot in relationships..who should be the first to do somethings..men and women..if d idea pops in ur mind first then act first

  22. 38

    Well said. Owambe. Stuffs like this will even help to set some people straight. Its not enough to ‘think’ ure doing it right. You av to know ure doing it right.

    • 39

      there is a difference btw the “thinking” and the “knowing”…know that ure being and giving ur best in a relationship

  23. 40

    Openness and sincerity is vital for a successful relationship. Thanks dear for this wonderful write-up. You have touched my life positively.

  24. 42

    It is important you are true to yourselves and you understand one another. Also, people need to understand that marriage is like a fruit that everyone has. we all do not have the same kind of fruits, some have apples, some have oranges, some have watermelon and each of these fruits have their seasons and different characteristics attributed to them so we should learn not to compare relationships but appreciate what we have.

    • 43

      so many people compare their relationships with others consciously or unconsciously…
      and when their partners do not live up to expectation it becos a problem…

  25. 44
  26. 45

    I’ll just say this, both parties involved in a relationship must learn to very patient in dealing with each other. It is a virtue that keeps thee relationship going.
    lovely write up by the way. Thumbs up

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